Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
