ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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