we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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