The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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