Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
