Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
