If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize