whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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