if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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