What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
