I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
