We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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