break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
