I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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