i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
