Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
