it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
