dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
