I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Farmville is her only friend.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
