Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
