I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
