belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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