once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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