Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
