I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
