Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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