I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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