i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
