also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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