I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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