DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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