I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
