Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
