just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
