it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
