how can u be prego again
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
