Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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