A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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