if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
