I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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