Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
