remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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