If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
