Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
