I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
