yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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