How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize