If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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