My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Holy sore nipples Batman
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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