I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
