Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
