Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
