I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
