You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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