My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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