My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
