did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just gift wrapped bread.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
