i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
