My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
