Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
