Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
