If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
